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Ask Belleruth
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Overweight Woman with Low Self Esteem Hates Self, Seeks Help |
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Sunday, 07 September 2008 |
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Dear Belleruth,
I am 120 lbs. overweight. I have been accepted for the lap band procedure to help me lose weight. I got right up to the date and canceled. Why? Fear! Since I am 65 yrs. old (or young!) and happily married for 46 years, I have a lot of baggage and probably my fears stem from low self-esteem. This started when I was a child of a 43 yr-old mom -- who was stoic and stern and did not believe in "spoiling" a child.
However, she was always supportive about keeping me at a "normal" weight. After marriage, however, I just started to plump up to 180 after my first two pregnancies and then up to 240 before my 3rd child. Because of my weight, I have disabling arthritis and fibromyalgia and sleep apnea. I know that weight loss could greatly reduce these affirmities and yet, I always manage to sabbatoge every opportunity to succeed. Of course, my career followed the same course. Why can't I get past these goblins? I hate myself for my weaknesses.
Mary |
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How To Control My Overly Aggressive Social Behavior? |
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Sunday, 31 August 2008 |
This Week's Q & A:
Question:
Dear BR,
I feel the opposite of the person who avoids rejection by avoiding people. I think I'm TOO outgoing and turn off people by being too in the middle of everything. How can I balance my social need with more subtle behavior? I’m in my forties.
Suzannah
Answer:
Dear Suzannah,
I take it that you know you have a problem because of the feedback you've gotten from other people, yes? But I'm not quite sure what you mean by "too outgoing" and "too in the middle of everything".
Do you scare people by being too socially aggressive? Do you break into conversations you don't belong in? Do you talk too much, not give people room to talk back? Do you dead-end conversations by always bringing points people are trying to make about something back to a story about you? Do you get anxious if you're not the center of attention? Do you create drama and trouble by "kibbitzing" too much in other peoples' business? |
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What To Do for Burnout, Depression & Lack of Motivation |
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Sunday, 24 August 2008 |
This Week's Q & A:
Question:
What tapes do you recommend for burnout, depression, lack of motivation and procrastination? Basically, I can't get going and have little desire to get going. I have been working with a counselor who recommends your work.
Girard
Hi, Girard.
Well, as I'm sure you already know, you need to muster up some energy to get yourself out of this, and your main symptom is that you feel no energy... a circular problem, to be sure. The main symptom of depression is the tamping down of our natural energy, so that we feel inert, dispirited and too tired to move, liberally sprinkled with a feeling of "why bother, anyway?". So somehow you've got to marshall enough inner “juice” to give yourself a jump start to get this ball rolling. Then, hopefully, you'll have some momentum to sustain some change. Here are some thoughts:
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Why It’s So Hard To Lose Weight After the First 25 Pounds |
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Sunday, 17 August 2008 |
Hi!
I have read in the archives that with people who have a lot of weight to lose, that they stop loosing weight after 25 lbs. I am morbidly obese and have found that to be true, but have never heard that it was a common issue. Can you direct me to more information about this problem and what do I do about it???
Thanks!
Jill
Hi, Jill,
I first learned this from a research nurse at Roosevelt-St. Luke's in NY, where there is a highly regarded program for dealing with obesity and weight loss. She told me that after about 25 pounds, an ancient, built-in survival mechanism kicks in which slows down metabolism - a throwback from the days when famine could strike and people or humanoids or whatever the heck we were at the time, could starve to death. I'm sorry, but I don't remember her name. But I do know the name of her friend and colleague, because she’s my friend and colleague too - a certified diabetes educator/nurse practitioner named Jane Seley, RN, CDE, also from NY, who is passionately committed to helping people with diabetes. She may know more about this or else could maybe put you in touch with somebody with special expertise who can help. Good luck with whatever approach you decide to use.
Ed. Note: Jill got the suggestion to contact Louis Aronne MD, 1165 York Ave, New York, NY 10021, Phone: (212) 583-1000. He has a comprehensive center with nutritionists and clinical trials of new medications.
All best,
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Does Guided Imagery Work For People With Dementia?? |
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Saturday, 16 August 2008 |
Dear Belleruth:
I work in a nursing home where we always have confused people who are awake all night and sleep during the day. I’d love to use guided imagery for sleep or agitation. Which CD would be best for people with various types of dementia? Does guided imagery even work with brains that are damaged?
Thanks,
Kay
 Dear Kay,
Yes, the good news is, because imagery works on some of the most primitive, survival-based structures of the brain (as well as a few more uptown departments), it can calm and soothe even people with dementia or other conditions that involve cognitive deficits. The voice tone and music, as well as the general emotional flavor, can make a significant dent on agitation and insomnia, even if the specific meaning of the words doesn't reach the person. For this reason, guided imagery has been found to be effective for kids and adults with developmental disabilities (improving performance and reducing stress), and for people with Alzheimers and dementia.
 I would use the Healthful Sleep imagery for starters at night; and the Relaxation & Wellness imagery during the day. In fact, a head nurse and I came very close to launching a study measuring this on a rehabilitation floor at University Hospitals Health System in Cleveland with agitated elderly who were waking up in the hospital, disoriented and anxious at night, and these were the two CD interventions we'd picked. Unfortunately, there was a big staff reorganization and the project fell by the wayside.
All best,
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What to Use for Traumatized Elementary School Kids?? |
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Saturday, 16 August 2008 |
Question:
Hello,
I need guided imagery for elementary school students living in violence. The Invisible Heroes
book looks wonderful, but does it have anything for trauma in children? I am a counselor working in a large elementary school, and I need something that I can use with groups of children.
Thank you,
Maria
Maria,
Yes, there is information about trauma and kids in Invisible Heroes, and I think especially the idea that what gets diagnosed frequently as ADHD (attention deficit and hyperactivity disorder) can sometimes be posttraumatic stress in disguise - this concept from the book might be particularly useful to you. But Invisible Heroes is mainly geared for adults (including adult survivors of childhood abuse) and it’s an important overview, but it doesn’t sound like this is what you’re looking for right now. |
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What to Do for a Sugared Soda Addiction |
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Saturday, 16 August 2008 |
Question:
Belleruth
In the past month or so, I have ordered both your Weight Loss - Health Journeys and Freeing Yourself of Excess Weight by Martha Howard, MD. I believe both to be very beneficial to me.
However, I am addicted to sugared soda & am finding it hard to "put it down." I have been perusing other titles hoping to find something to help with this addiction. Though I am a compulsive soda drinker, I am not a compulsive overeater. (I do realize the amount of sugar I drink in sodas daily causes me to crave carbs and keeps my blood sugar a complete mess.)
When I look at the addiction category and key words listed, I am not quite sure one of those would really be appropriate although I feel I have as equal a problem as someone who is addicted to alcohol or gambling. |
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How Do I Forgive?? I’ve Never Been Able to... |
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Saturday, 16 August 2008 |
How Do I Forgive?? I’ve Never Been Able to...
We’ve had a lot of queries about forgiveness lately. I just found this answer I gave years ago on Beliefnet.com, and, to my surprise, I still like what I said. So here it is again:
Question:
Dear Belleruth,
If holding negative emotions inside affects our health, it would be a good idea to forgive people when they hurt us. But tell me, how do you forgive? I've never been able to.
Answer:
This is a tough one! Forgiveness is so difficult for all of us, even though I suspect it's probably the most powerful spiritual practice on the planet and, when genuine, very good for our health. |
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"How Do I Improve My Body Image and My Body?" |
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Wednesday, 09 July 2008 |
"How Do I Improve My Body Image and My Body?"
A woman has difficulty imagining herself as healthy, beautiful and deserving of her own good esteem… |
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Got Anything for Post-Prostate Surgery Erectile Dysfunction? |
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Thursday, 03 July 2008 |
Got Anything for Post-Prostate Surgery Erectile Dysfunction?
A man who had prostate surgery over a year ago is having difficulty with erections, though the surgeon says the relevant nerves were spared.. |
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"How Do I Know I Have a Therapist Who Can Help Me?" |
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Monday, 30 June 2008 |
"How Do I Know I Have a Therapist Who Can Help Me?"
A woman is given our PTSD imagery before she is ready, becomes more distressed and symptomatic, but her therapist presses her to continue with it just the same ... |
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