Do you have any comments about therapists taking on somatizing the fears and anxieties of clients? Are there recommendations for therapists protecting themselves while working with clients in the altered state that guided imagery produces?
Answer:
This is more likely to happen to newbie therapists, before they get their boundaries in place, but this issue affects us all. You want to aim to set your boundaries in such a way that you can still experience empathy and compassion, but without taking on the client’s pains and fears. This balance is critical to being effective and to staying that way, without burning out.
Remember it’s not your job to absorb pain, but to strengthen and assist the person so that they can better deal with what is causing them pain. Your job is to help them shift and change so that they can surmount or ameliorate their circumstances.
It’s critical for all of us to remember that it’s not all up to us. To think otherwise is arrogant and presupposes superpowers we just don’t have. We all need to avoid the trap of falling in love with the idea of ourselves as rescuer or savior. We are there to assist, to provide insight and (hopefully) wisdom, to ask the right questions, provide moral support and tell the useful, useable truth; we are there to make it easy for the client to tell the truth about him or herself; and we are there to see the hidden splendor of that client and hold that unsullied vision, straight and true, while he or she struggles and changes.
It’s important to remember that just holding the space and holding the potential for unfettered growth in that space is huge and impactful. Wishing our clients well from our hearts under these circumstances can make a vast difference – it’s transformative on an energetic level. It comes down to these attitudes and beliefs, along with our conventional sets of skills and interventions and techniques…this is what gets the job done.
There are several ways to deploy imagery to help you keep your boundaries in right relationship too – whether you’re actually using imagery in the session or just having a regular, garden variety, talk therapy type hour.
Here are some ways:
Envision yourself as a sieve rather than a receptacle – feelings and thoughts pass through you, you experience them empathically and with full awareness as they travel on through you, but you do not keep them.
See yourself as surrounded by a cushion of protective, insulating energy, in which invisible helpers abide, hanging out to assist and share the work.
See your client surrounded by the same thing – a protective, insulating cushion of energy, filled with invisible helpers. This will gently remind you that the work is being carried on many shoulders.
If you feel yourself becoming enmeshed in a codependent situation with your client and taking on unhealthy and inappropriate amounts of responsibility, imagine taking out a gigundo scissors and cutting the cords that are binding you to this other person.
It also helps to have some sort of cleansing ritual after each client leaves the room – you may want to step out yourself, open the window, breathe different air, wash your hands, rub the belly of your favorite Buddha statue, do a dance or shake out your limbs… it doesn’t matter what you do, as long as you declare your intention to cleanse and clear your system of whatever has transpired.
I hope this helps. I’m sure others will be posting terrific suggestions and ideas for you, because everyone deals with this, one way or the other.
All best,
Belleruth
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Thank you for a great question, and for great answers Belleruth. Whenever I find myself feeling overly responsible, I switch gears and see myself as a student, simply learning about the client, from the client. It shifts me to a dimension that has proper boundaries, and my ego also takes its proper place because each of us in the dynamic is both teacher and student. By doing this, I also immediately, energetically, shake off anything I'm absorbing from my client.
Some of us came in as empaths, and the more I thought of this, the more I understood it as a boundary issue. I used to sit across from people and feel their pain immediately...the physical, emotional and spiritual pain. I learned about boundaries and how to set them and it changed my life. Now when doing energy work, readings, or counseling sessions, I understand that I can ask to receive information about another in a way that is not draining for me. Knowing that we can ask for this, sets the intention, and reduces the amount of stress and confused boundaries.
Many blessings to all. Lynne
... written by SR,
December 07, 2011
I would like to respond from the client perspective. As someone who sat across from Belleruth, many many years ago, I must say reading her answer reminded me why I still appreciate the sessions. I share this to encourage, and hope it may be helpful in setting boundaries. As a client I would not have felt safe to go where I needed to go...to uncover, dig out, and examine...without the complete confidence that my therapist was 'holding the space'. I was not wishing her to become emotionally involved with my pain, fear, or anxieties. As a client I wanted someone who was compassionate; yet, I would have turned away if I had experienced a mere 'sponge', someone who was unable to ask the questions that needed to be asked, nor laying out a truth that needed to be said.
I share this hoping to impress that when a therapist safeguards the boundaries and has established a trust, the client has the freedom to do the work. You can provide no better.
For myself, as a social worker and early childhood professional, I remind myself to breathe, slow and easy. When I first started providing early intervention I would imagine warm sunlight entering through the crown of my head, filling all the spaces in my body. I brought my awareness to the soles of my feet against the solid ground beneath me. I became aware of being in the boundary of my own skin. I used this physical boundary as an image to stop me from soaking up the emotional content of the situation. I was still able to see, hear, and empathize. Today I remind myself to 'see the light' within the child, trust his process and the 'teachings' he is experiencing. I try to assist and guide him safely without taking away his experience and to respect his journey.
... written by Glenda Fikes,
December 08, 2011
I am not a therapist, but I do work on a daily basis with participants in a welfare to work program. The energies can be INTENSE to say the least and this is NOT one on one work, but rather one on 40 to 50 people and I get a new group every 4 weeks. The suggestions here have been quite helpful as I have Fibromyalgia and I now recognize through these posts that I am taking some of their energy and it is not helping with my physical condition. Thank you soooo much for your wonderful writings and to the responders for your generous transperancy, as it assists all of us on our paths.
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Some of us came in as empaths, and the more I thought of this, the more I understood it as a boundary issue. I used to sit across from people and feel their pain immediately...the physical, emotional and spiritual pain. I learned about boundaries and how to set them and it changed my life. Now when doing energy work, readings, or counseling sessions, I understand that I can ask to receive information about another in a way that is not draining for me. Knowing that we can ask for this, sets the intention, and reduces the amount of stress and confused boundaries.
Many blessings to all.
Lynne