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 Over the past 9 years I’ve been through the mill. I’ve suffered 3 miscarriages, then had 4 years of infertility, and three IVF (in vitro fertilization) treatments. I’ve watched friends and relatives get pregnant, filled with envy, anger, grief and discouragement. My mind filled up with negative, sarcastic, disparaging self-talk.
I knew I needed to do something to combat the negative internal messages. I have some hypnosis training, so I bought a dozen hypnotic and guided imagery CDs, loading them all into my MP3 player so I could check out the tracks and decide what to listen to.
For me, Belleruth’s voice and words stood out immediately as something I could connect to. I hate
it when the narrator tells you to “let go”. It’s very stressful to be
asked NOT to be stressed! But I relaxed when she started by
acknowledging and validating the feelings I did have (“I know there are
times when I become frightened, angry, impatient, jealous or sad, and I
accept what I feel as my inner truth of the moment.”). For me, this was
reassuring and uplifting - to first be allowed to accept the feelings I
have, THEN to let them go.
 I felt the imagery empowered the process without making it feel goal oriented. There is a subtle balance between doing these meditations (or any other practice along these lines) in order to get pregnant and, at the same time, simply in order to find a way to just be and to trust the path that we're on. This CD does this very well - you feel that doing these meditations brings you closer to your child, no matter how it will ultimately come to you – by biological birth or adoption or something in between. You are imagining your baby growing, regardless of where – in your belly, in somebody else’s or in a test tube! It makes everything all right, regardless. This is a tough balance to strike, but for me, this imagery nails it.
Wish me luck! My mind is finally in the right place now, for this difficult, challenging journey that I’ve been on, for so many years. And to everyone else on this journey, I wish you the very best. Blessings to us all!!
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I wish you well on your journey.