Comments for Precious Pillow Talk While Dying at http://belleruthnaparstek.com , comment 1 to 12 out of 12 comments http://belleruthnaparstek.com Thu, 18 Mar 2010 04:07:50 +0100 FeedCreator 1.7.2 http://belleruthnaparstek.com/update-from-belleruth/precious-pillow-talk-while-dying.html#comment-697 Pillow Talk put into words what many of us can only hold in our hearts...the realization that sometimes helping loved ones accept death as a part of life is kinder than ignoring the inevitable by offering false hope. My mother died of cancer 16 months before I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I wrote about avoiding the subject of death in my book "Surviving Cancerland:" which I have dedicated to all my firends who didin't survive. - Kathleen O'Keefe-Kanavos Sun, 28 Jun 2009 16:12:49 +0100 http://belleruthnaparstek.com/update-from-belleruth/precious-pillow-talk-while-dying.html#comment-692 I really appreciate these comments. A couple of afterthoughts: First, a friend reminded me that not everybody has the luxury of being able to have conversations like these with their dying loved one - if there's not enough advance warning or if the sick person isn't in cognitive shape to have them. So that should be acknowledged, for sure. And second, it struck me in both these instances, that it was a comfort to each couple, even under these dire circumstances (or maybe especially under these dire circumstances) to feel like they were acquiring skills and competencies, doing a decent job, doing what they could. In both instances, when I began recounting the things my husband did that were helpful, heads picked up, eyes sparkled, focus was intense - as if to say, even with these limited degrees of freedom we're stuck with, there's stuff we can do! - Belleruth Thu, 25 Jun 2009 05:57:54 +0100 http://belleruthnaparstek.com/update-from-belleruth/precious-pillow-talk-while-dying.html#comment-688 When I was sixteen, I was told by my father, about ten days before my mother died, that my mother had cancer and would die very soon. I was also told that I was not to tell my mother or my younger sister. Probably why part of what I do in child and family advocacy and resilience coaching is targeted on trauma and loss- do ya think!). I never learned if my mother 'knew' somewhere in her that she was that ill or if the effort to "protect" worked- whatever worked means in that context. I do know that today, whether as an advocate, a cross-systems navigator, or as coach for kids and families, it sparkles thru that experiences of understood and shared truth stand relevant as beacons to finding a new route to moving forward: believing it is okay to have good again; and feelings into a new way to place the physically lost loved one into the deserved and continuing life for the ones left behind. So and again- thanks to you Belleruth!!!!!! Blessings J. Layton, Certified Trauma and Loss Specialist- Child and Family Advocate, Best~SelfCoaching (okay to use my name) - jody Tue, 23 Jun 2009 20:03:53 +0100 http://belleruthnaparstek.com/update-from-belleruth/precious-pillow-talk-while-dying.html#comment-687 I too had the privilege of sharing with my mother a very loving, centered, and conscious space during her death. I know how precious your friends' experiences were. I think that, too often, we subconsciously see death as a failure. If only we could look at it as a sweet success, a graduation, an exploration of a new country - remaining forever connected through our hearts. - Heartsong Tue, 23 Jun 2009 19:12:53 +0100 http://belleruthnaparstek.com/update-from-belleruth/precious-pillow-talk-while-dying.html#comment-686 As a hospice social worker, I want to add my thanks for this wonderful article. I encourage those who find themselves or their loved ones facing the end of life to consider hospice which provides amazing support to patients and their loved ones. The focus is on treating everyone with dignity and respect and honoring their wishes as they negotiate the end of life's journey. Services are often provided at home. - Peggy Tue, 23 Jun 2009 18:34:11 +0100 http://belleruthnaparstek.com/update-from-belleruth/precious-pillow-talk-while-dying.html#comment-685 Hi, Belleruth, You have done so incredibly much to help our culture combat illness and ameliorate pain and suffering. Just as important, you have helped, and continue to help us learn how to be with illness, with impending death, and with grief. In this, you teach ways we can be better friends, lovers, spouses, families. You and your work are incomparable blessings. Thank you. Neal Szpatura - Neal Tue, 23 Jun 2009 18:29:33 +0100 http://belleruthnaparstek.com/update-from-belleruth/precious-pillow-talk-while-dying.html#comment-684 BN: Thank you for this beautiful writing about spending the last days with a love one. Great advice. - Sharon Milligan Tue, 23 Jun 2009 18:21:26 +0100 http://belleruthnaparstek.com/update-from-belleruth/precious-pillow-talk-while-dying.html#comment-682 This is an excellent piece, Mom. You rock. Love, Pink - Pinky Von Rotten Tue, 23 Jun 2009 17:37:51 +0100 http://belleruthnaparstek.com/update-from-belleruth/precious-pillow-talk-while-dying.html#comment-679 Belleruth, thank you for sharing not only these beautiful stories, but the beauty and power in being able to share honestly and openly about death. Like issues of sexuality, death has been something that people talked about in hushed tones and whispers, creating much confusion and emptiness where there could be fullness, connection and a sense of togetherness. I will hold your friends and their loved ones in my prayers, and as always, love to you and your wise, compassionate being and soul. Love and gratitude, Lynne Newman - Lynne Tue, 23 Jun 2009 16:35:38 +0100 http://belleruthnaparstek.com/update-from-belleruth/precious-pillow-talk-while-dying.html#comment-677 Truly beautiful. It can be so hard to tune in to what the dying person wants and needs, rather than what makes YOU comfortable. Thanks for the guidance. - marjorie ingall Tue, 23 Jun 2009 15:03:27 +0100 http://belleruthnaparstek.com/update-from-belleruth/precious-pillow-talk-while-dying.html#comment-676 What a beautiful story, Belleruth! You are such a blessing to all! - Diane Smith, RN Tue, 23 Jun 2009 14:02:34 +0100 http://belleruthnaparstek.com/update-from-belleruth/precious-pillow-talk-while-dying.html#comment-674 Beautiful! Thank you, Belleruth! - Mary Mon, 22 Jun 2009 07:08:42 +0100