...And Way More Reaction to Cancer/Feelings Discussion | Print |  E-mail
Monday, 25 August 2008

Hello again, good people.
Well, here it is, our blog format at last!  The participation in this Feelings-Don’t-Effect-Cancer-Outcomes discussion - as evidenced by comments, scoldings, applause, personal stories, thoughtful introspection and sheer traffic - has gone beyond anything we’ve ever seen in this forum before. This is great!  Add your comments directly, by all means.  And please  feel free to forward this page to anyone you think could use it - someone with cancer, their well-meaning family/friends or a health professional acting too much like the "positivity police".

We re-posted most of the comments we had permission to show you below. And for those of you who came in late, I reported on a study mentioned in the Harvard Health Letter that found that feelings had no effect on cancer outcomes. The initial response was a lot of very upset people. This second wave of emails, posted below, does a great job of amplifying what I was trying to say and provides more layers and sophistication to the discussion. Let us know what works and what doesn't and we'll keep tweaking this new feature. (After this week, you'll be able to respond to each individual comment... but this week, since we manually transferred them, you can't.)

Take a look at the reader responses and you’ll get the general idea.

And on a personal note of my own for this discussion (and to assure you that I'm not just talking theoretically here), I should say that when my husband suddenly found himself struggling with a murderously aggressive, stage 4 lung cancer 4 years ago, we were both keenly aware of the statistics, but did not feel limited by them. Always idealistic in a realistic way, my husband adopted this motto with typical energy and enthusiasm: "Hope for the best; plan for the worst".

And indeed, we tried the best allopathic medicine along with every credible CAM therapy. He swallowed tons of excellent nutritional supplements, got his docs on board with every holistic protocol- he even put up with listening to guided imagery CDs (which he basically couldn't stand - it was the family joke) and gave the whole thing his focused, energetic best. He owned his feelings - always did. This went from being pretty discouraged and baffled by the experience of not feeling well for the first time in his life; to feeling pumped and hopeful after experiences like meeting with the singularly impressive Keith Block MD in Evanston ("This guy has the tools to give me a shot".)

He kept on working and teaching and planning up until his last week, as if he’d be around for decades. He also planned his funeral, got me set up with financial advice, set up some foundations to continue his powerful work, and tied up every loose end he could think of. The guy was a class act. He made it easier for everyone he left behind - a multitude of family, friends, colleagues and all the countless people he’d helped in the past and would help in the future, thanks to the insane number of scholarships and foundations he put in place during his illness.

All of that was his idea of being "positive". He died a role model and a hero, 4 months after his diagnosis. I would suggest that it’s maturity and wisdom to understand that sometimes you do everything "right" and you still don’t get the outcome you want. But there’s still comfort in knowing you gave it your best shot.

Comments (11)Add Comment
For starters, I got this note from a social worker
written by Jane Sloven, August 25, 2008
Dear Belleruth,
What a lovely response to the furor over the cancer and feelings statement. It warms my heart to hear someone else in the field address the complexity of these issues and the damage done by those who insist that "happy thoughts" will cure all. Yes, imagery helps immeasurably, yes how we think can affect our health and well-being, and no, we are not responsible for all the illness we experience as human beings in mortal bodies who will all eventually die, not through a failure of will or happiness, but because it is our nature. We are complex beings, and simplistic formulations create much self-blame and devastation for people dealing with illness. As a social worker with extensive experience in clinical hypnosis I applaud your comments and thank you for them.
Jane Sloven
From a cancer survivor
written by E, August 25, 2008
And here’s a letter from a cancer survivor who had been on the wrong end of a "positivity" assault:

Dear Belleruth - I can't tell you how happy I was to read of The Harvard Study that is now being discussed. I wrote to you months ago asking for a tape that could help restore hope and optimism after my cancer surgery. I just could not feel happy and optimistic; I was sad, depressed and anxious. All the things that "they" said were counterproductive to healing from cancer. Your wonderful advice to me was to NOT stuff those feelings and just allow things to happen naturally, and when I was ready, a sense of peace and happiness would return.

You were so right, I decided to stop beating myself up for feeling pessimistic, and just allowed myself to have some daily cathartic crying, and little by little I stopped feeling sorry for myself. It has been two and a half years since my cancer diagnosis. It has not recurred despite my negative thoughts, and I can now breathe easily and feel optimistic, and most days do not even think about cancer anymore. Once again, Belleruth, I thank you for the sound and practical, honest advice you gave me!!!!
Sincerely, E.
And similarly, here, from this ex-cancer patient:
written by Elizabeth Danu, August 25, 2008
Hi Belleruth,
I’m really surprised at the uproar. I guess people have confused open acceptance of everything with "negative" feelings. It just shows how deeply entrenched this idea is, that only "positive" feelings are allowed!

When I went through cancer treatment, I had to be patient with all the "stay positive" and "attitude is everything" stuff I heard, and I quickly learned who it was healthy to be around when I needed to feel everything. "Feel everything" was really the mantra for me, and I think THAT was the positive in it all!

Perhaps people need to believe that they have some control in a situation where really they don’t, and they’re scared to death.

Certainly watching a loved one face cancer is terrifying, and believing in all that "stay positive" stuff helps them feel that something can be done.

The problem is that shutting down feelings shuts down energy in the body, energy that is needed to get well!

I love your CD’s exactly because they focus on acceptance of all the parts of ourselves; feelings, past history, things we have no control over, etc.

I love what you do, and I’m so glad you’re doing it!

Elizabeth Danu
From a marriage and family therapy practitioner
written by Linda M. Price, M.A, August 25, 2008
Here is a note from a marriage and family therapy intern/certified guided imagery practitioner, who encountered this issue in her practice:

I am so glad to read your feedback on the positive/negative feelings encountered by all cancer patients and how these feelings impact their quality of life. I have been working with a cancer patient who has had a lot of negative emotions, but I've continued to let her express whatever she is feeling, whatever her frame of reference is for that day.

I was criticized by some of my peers, as well as her family members for "allowing" these types of thoughts and encouraging this type of conversation. Of course, I have no power over any of this, and to think otherwise puts me in a very lofty and overly opinionated position. My "job" is to be present with my client, and if we guided imagery therapists are nothing else, we owe our clients unconditional respect for their feelings and their opinions about their life in general. Our "acceptance" of their world view does a lot to lessen their worry, normalize their fears, and give them an outlet to finally and without worry, express their deepest doubts.

My greatest reward is seeing the person's smile at the end of a very hard session. . .when a face in agony transforms into one of peace and serenity. Guided Imagery can touch the soul of a person. In my opinion, there is no more perfect healing than the resurrection of the spirit.
Linda M. Price, M.A.
Passive vs. Cranky
written by Jody C. Layton, August 25, 2008
This life coach reminds us of the well-known statistic that cranky, complaining, pain-in-the-neck patients in the hospital tend to do better than passive, sweetly compliant ones:

Hi Belleruth,

...thanks again and perhaps remind folks that research also shows that patients who are often outspoken and assert their rights and their authentic power, those often perceived as disagreeable to medical staff, tend to have quicker or higher healing rates. They are not necessarily [saying] how wonderful they feel, rather just authentically declaring their perception of their rights and desires and that they feel.

Jody C. Layton
Certified Trauma and Loss Specialist
From the surviving widow
written by Sheila, August 25, 2008
This poignant note came from the pessimistic surviving widow of her positive-thinking husband, who died of his cancer:

Belleruth: I enjoy your CDs. I wanted to comment on the cancer-feelings topic. It doesn't surprise me that you heard a lot of negative comments. Once diagnosed people look for a way to control their illness.

In fact, I used to hear people say their prior negativity caused their illness. These same folks also say that lunch meat (insert any bad food here) caused their illness. If it were this easy to control illnesses, no one would ever be sick!

And, my first husband would still be alive today. His glass was always half-full, never half-empty before and after he was diagnosed with cancer. If negative thinking caused cancer, I should have had the illness and he should have been healthy. Sadly for him, but fortunately for me, cancer is not that simplistic of a disease.

What your CDs do for me is remind me that it is easier to think positive than negative. It is Ok to acknowledge these negative feelings. That's all I think your CDs are asking me to do.

Now when I think of my first husband I remember a person who enjoyed the life he was granted and he was happy. When he had bad days he let the days be bad. Your meditations can turn around a bad day. Thank you very much.
Counselor quotes Barbara Ehrenreich & J. Holland
written by Jaime, August 25, 2008
I read your book "Invisible Heroes" while I was getting my M.S. in clinical health psych, and am now getting an MPH in maternal-child health, with a main focus on cancer, which is why the discussion that was mentioned was so interesting. I agree; I think too often, patients find themselves under a "tyranny of pink", as Barbara Ehrenreich wrote. And then Jimmie Holland, who founded psycho-oncology, recognizes the tyranny of positivity.. I think there leaves a lot of room for misinterpretation. Like, I like Bernie Siegel, but in the wrong hands I feel it could do more harm than good, if that makes sense.
Something from a latecomer to the discussion
written by Carol Roper, August 25, 2008
I missed BR's initial commentary on feelings and cancer, but read the follow-up. I then went back and read the initial statement, and don't see what the fuss is all about. Nowhere did BR say that positive attitudes are no good. What I got from that article is that denying our feelings, trying to FORCE FEEL things which are not what we are REALLY feeling is useless. Well, I agree. Does that mean we should give up? I don't read it that way at all. I read it as getting in touch with our feelings, labeled good bad or indifferent, is what truly helps us have an HONEST 'postive' attitude, and is what helps us most achieve our goals.

Thanks,
Carol Roper
About repressing feelings
written by Matt Erb, August 25, 2008
And a physical therapist writes this about the emotional and energetic cost of repressing feelings:

I just wanted to let Belleruth know that I fully understood her point in the first mailing about the Harvard newsletter comments.

I first fully grasped the concept from some comments that Candace Pert has made. It is repression of feelings, rather than the feelings themselves, that creates a disruption to both the energetic field/basis of the body, but also has a biochemical and neurological basis.

I think it can be profoundly healing to actually feel grief or shame (or anger, which is really disguised shame). Learning to be able to do this, to have the strength and security in a properly developed ego, to do it, is a whole other ball game though!

I suspect that those that are upset are those that come to mind-body medicine with their own simplistic and faulty interpretation of the message, and likely are not experientially versed in emotional self-awareness and expression.

I applaud your attempt to explain yourself further as it may help others come to the same understanding, but from my experience and training, it was not necessary. I fully grasped what you were trying to convey.
Thanks,
Matt Erb, PT, Minneapolis
From naturopath, author & traumatic stress expert
written by Dr. Cindee Grace, August 25, 2008
LOVED YOUR RESPONSE ABOUT POSITIVE FEELINGS: I'm surprised to hear about the controversy regarding your earlier group email (Harvard study, cancer) and the accusatory, vehement tone of some people's emails to you!

BR, your longer response in the Aug.19 group email was excellent "food for thought" on many levels. When we give ourselves permission for any authentic emotion to arise (be it societally labeled "positive," "negative," or "neutral"), then it can naturally resolve. Try doing mindfulness meditation to experience this directly.

Another option is express the emotion in a healthy way (e.g., journaling, art, movement, talking to a supportive listener, etc.). When we make mental room for emotions and express them in healthy ways, our bodies create wonderful and measurable healing changes.

I've read studies over the years about the harmful effects of repressing anger, grief and other so-called negative emotions. BR, I appreciate you identifying the oppression of an "only positive feelings allowed" mentality.

In my own self-healing of "incurable" disease and in my work with thousands of clients and students, being authentic with emotion has proven very effective. Even in situations when the physical condition is not "cured," healing (wholeness) can still happen. The person can come to an inner place of love for self and others and transition through death with peacefulness.

For folks curious about how this giving-permission emotional self-care and guided imagery can help post-traumatic stress and dissociative identity, I expect my book on the subject to be published in the next couple years. To be notified, email This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it - Put in subject line "book notification list."

Thanks, BR, for clearly describing important aspects of emotions. I hope that if in the future one of your readers doesn't understand or agree with your postings, that she or he will first politely ask you for clarification instead of lash out at you.

Sincerely, Dr. Cindee Grace, Naturopath
A nuanced note from another cancer survivor
written by Lori, August 25, 2008
I am shocked that you received so many angry e-mails after your article about cancer. Maybe you didn't receive the positive ones, because we were at our computers smiling and nodding and didn't feel a stronge urge to write to you.

I am a two-time cancer survivor in my 30's. I am frustrated by the notion that we can cure cancer (or any other disease) just by positive thinking. That being said, I use your CDs and other similar ones to support me through my cancer treatment, and I love visualizing my body killing the cancer cells.

But I am not a "positive thinker" in general, and some of my friends who died from similar cancers were also some of the most positive-thinking people that I have ever known. The flip side of the "positive thinking cures cancer" idea is that those who die of cancer just didn't think positively enough. This notion is punitive and just plain wrong.

For some reason this debate always polarizes people, and I honestly never understand why. I think it is because in this country we have a limited understanding of wellness and health, and we think of wellness or health as the absence of disease or "defeating" death.

But there is a way to live and die within wellness that takes a deeper path. To accept that something may not cure us but at the same time DOES make us more well is a confusing concept for many people. I certainly believe positive imagery has an effect on the immune system, but its role in cancer may not be to cure the illness, especially once cancer has already spread. But this in no way takes away from the power of imagery for someone dealing with cancer.
Lori

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